WASHINGTON, D.C.—For centuries now, February 14th has been
the one day of the year when young lovers can steal much more than a kiss
without fear of being handcuffed by someone they have no interest in starting a
relationship with. Namely, a member of D.C.'s vice squad.
"I love Valentine's Day!" exclaimed a twenty-ish
man who would only identify himself as T-Love. "I find a chick around New
Year's Eve, maybe mid-January, then start buttering her up. You know, a movie
here, a two-for-one coupon at Red Lobster there. But when Valentine's rolls
around I break out the big guns. I'm talking flowers, chocolates. The whole
nine."
"Then guess what?" Mr. Love asked, presumably
rhetorically, while thrusting his hips back and forth. "She's pretty much
obligated to."
Recently married couple Bob and Janet Rudolph had a slightly
more romantic take on the Hallmark holiday.
"Every day is Valentine's Day for us!" gushed
Janet, as Bob busied himself with his smartphone. "My baby-baby still writes
me little love notes and puts them in my purse every morning! How sweet is
that? Tonight we're dining at L'Enfant,
then Bobby says he has a big surprise for me!"
When Janet paused to stoop down and pet a "so, so, sooo
cute" Pomeranian strolling by with its owner, Bob elaborated on their
plans for the night.
"The notes stopped working months ago," he
whispered. "So I went out and dropped two grand on some diamond heart crap
thing she wanted. To put it in PG-13 terms, she better thank me orally. And I
ain't talking about words."
