CAIRO, EGYPT—Dozens of people were killed and hundreds
more were injured today as a result of violence that erupted in Egypt due to the fact that it's Egypt.
"I wish I could tell you there's a better reason for
all this bloodshed and destruction," said a 19-year-old man who wished to
remain unidentified. "But the sad truth is that it's just Egypt being Egypt."
"I mean, think about it," the man continued as he
threw a chunk of concrete at a slowly-advancing line of riot police.
"We're on the verge of going through our third regime change in two years,
which is pretty stressful in and of itself. Plus, the job market for young
people like me is virtually nonexistent."
While the man backpedaled and set fire to a rag stuck in a
bottle half-full of gasoline, he ticked off a laundry list of additional
reasons why life in Egypt
is so difficult.
"The heat, the sand, the rigid religiosity. Don't get
me wrong, I believe faith can be a wonderful motivational tool for many
people," the young man said, throwing his Molotov cocktail and watching it
explode just in front of the policemen. "But they go way too far here.
There's no freedom."
As the man turned and broke into a jog, then an all-out
sprint, he offered a possible solution to the ills of Egypt and the rest of the Middle
East.
"Instead of bombing terrorist training camps and other
military targets, the U.N. and the U.S. should drop back issues of Hustler and cases of Natty Light all
over the region. That would loosen the place up pretty quickly."
Before The Midwest
Ledger could ask the young man to elaborate, he was shot and killed by a
uniformed man who may have been a police officer. Or a terrorist. Or maybe just
a cab driver. Who knows.
