INDIANAPOLIS, IN—In a move that angered many elderly,
disabled, and legitimately needy people commuting to their low-paying,
soul-crushing places of employment, a completely healthy, clean-cut, and
outwardly sane man strolled past ten "Help Wanted" signs on his way
to the intersection of Pendleton Pike and Interstate 465.
"Fast food just doesn't do it for me," said James
Rosen, 23, as he collected $1.27 in loose change and a "God bless"
from a passing motorist. "The managers only get paid minimum wage too, so
there's no room for any real advancement. Plus, almost every position is only
part-time. Who can live on that?"
After waiting for a pair of well-wishers to drop a combined
$2.68 into his uncalloused right hand, Rosen continued.
"I know a lot of auto repair places are hiring right
now, too. But I can't deal with all that grease and all those sharp metal
parts. On top of that, it would take me like five or ten years to learn the
trade and earn enough money to open my own shop. Who has time for that? I'll be
like 100 by then."
While Rosen accepted a five-dollar bill from an old man
driving a car worth less than Rosen's stylish winter coat, The Midwest Ledger asked him if his attitude would change when he
started a family.
"Way ahead of you, bro," Rosen replied, waving to
a pretty young woman and a heavily-bundled toddler a half-block up the road.
"Jessica and Ashley haul in four times what I do. Who could say no to all
that cuteness?"
