BOULDER,
CO—According to those who know
him best, local resident Trent Wakefield, 32, is happily half-assing his way
through life.
"Trent's
a great guy," said his best friend, Alan Morse, 34. "It's just that
he has this annoying habit of starting something, then never seeing it all the
way through to the end. It could be a video game he's losing, a self-help book
he's reading, an assignment at his part-time job. And I can't tell you how many
times he's promised a girl dinner and a movie, then ditched her as soon as
dessert was over."
Recently, though, Trent
began to fancy himself a bit of an outdoorsman. He went on a veritable shopping
spree, purchasing a used, two-wheel drive Kia Sportage, and picking up a
shelter-half and a single-barrel shotgun at a local sporting goods store.
"It's even worse now that he thinks he's Barack Obama
or something," Morse said. "We made plans for a weekend hike in the
foothills, and by Saturday night, Trent
was complaining about blisters on one of his feet and demanded we go home. The
next weekend we shot skeet, and Trent
bowed out halfway through because his shoulder was bruised."
"And that half-marathon he ran?" Morse continued,
his anger growing. "It was a full marathon he couldn't finish. But do you
see one of those obnoxious '26.2' stickers on my car? No. You don't."
The Midwest Ledger
left several voicemails with Trent,
asking that he speak with us. Several hours later, we received a text message
declining our request.
"You know what?" Mr. Morse finally said.
"Maybe the guy isn't a half-ass after all. Maybe he's just a total
douche."
