LAS VEGAS, NV—Anticipating
that the first lethal in-country drone strike against an American citizen could
come at any moment, gambling hotspots all over Las Vegas have begun accepting bets on who in
our vast nation will earn the dubious distinction.
"As soon as Obama vaporized that American-born
terrorist and his kid, I knew it would only be a matter of time before he
started doing that shit right here in our backyard," said Vinnie "The
Tack" Sharples from his home office located five miles off Vegas' famed
Strip. "I thought for sure the Dorner freak would be the first to get
blown all to hell. I had it 3-to-1."
In fact, Mr. Sharples' impromptu "Drone Pool"
website crashed due to sheer traffic volume shortly after ex-LAPD officer
Christopher Dorner holed himself up in a remote cabin near Big Bear, California.
"The cops eventually toasted the guy themselves,"
said a smiling Mr. Sharples. " But I still made over forty-five grand when
the cops positively I.D.ed the body a couple days later."
An hour after news of Mr. Sharples' windfall spread to the
Strip, every major casino announced their own version of "Drone
Pool," complete with detailed odds and lists of potential targets.
"We're making money hand over fist on this thing,"
said Frank Castellano, who oversees non-sports wagering at the Bellagio.
"It's a weird combination of humanity's inherent creepiness and the fact
that the president can just push a button and off someone, no questions asked.
Anyway, we've taken in $3.5 million in a week and a half."
