WASHINGTON D.C.—Following in the footsteps of the private
sector's popular "Take Your Child to Work Day," the federal
government today urged its employees to bring a hopelessly unemployed friend or
relative to work with them to remind them how it feels to put in a hard day at
the office.
"All in all, it was a rousing success," said
acting Secretary of Labor Seth D. Harris. "Over half a million government
employees and their long-unemployed companions took part in this exciting
program."
Sabrina Foulkes, 46, who was laid off from her job as a
receptionist nearly two years ago, agreed with Mr. Harris' assessment.
"It was okay," she said. "At first, I had
trouble adjusting to light and sound that wasn't emanating from my television.
But after that, it was fine. I shadowed my sister [Senior File Clerk] Judy
[Saunders] on the ninth floor. By the time the first break rolled around, I was
capable of doing the jobs of both her and her supervisor flawlessly. I wish
they were hiring."
Greg Matthews, 49, a construction superintendent out of work
since mid-2011, saw things differently.
"These oil paintings have jobs and I don't?"
Matthews asked incredulously, surveying cubicle after cubicle of nearly-stationary
humans with highly-secure, taxpayer-funded employment. "My God, they
wouldn't last five minutes in the real world.
"For 30 years of my life," Matthews continued,
"I worked harder every day than any of these bloated wastes of oxygen ever
worked in a month. But they're earning a decent paycheck and I'm not. Amazing.
All I want to do is get out there and get a few blisters on my hands, but
nobody's building. With all the regulation and uncertainty out there, I can't
blame them. But still. What's a guy to do?"
At press time, President Obama was unavailable for comment.
