LOS ANGELES, CA—The thing your doctor suggested you do to
cure your nausea or depression or lethargy or obesity six months ago has now
been proven to actually kill you, a new study finds.
"When that particular exercise, pill, or dietary
supplement came out six months ago, it was all the rage," recalled Dr.
Victoria Tran, Director of Fad Science at Cedar Sinai
Medical Center.
"But a new study published in Great Britain's Journal of Questionable Medicine shows
without a shadow of a doubt that prolonged exposure to whatever it was we
prescribed for you half a year ago will almost certainly result in your
untimely, and probably painful, death."
"Sorry," Dr. Tran added.
Despite the disheartening news, Dr. Tran stressed that
patients who may be concerned about the side effects of exposing their body to
six continuous months of flawed and fallacious treatment have nothing to be
worried about.
"Luckily, the FDA just approved Fixtal, a daily,
nine-pill regimen guaranteed to counteract any damage done to your body by the
thing we prescribed to you twenty-six weeks ago. Just six short months from
now, you'll be as good as new!"
When asked what patients should do with any unused doses of
the thing prescribed six months ago, Dr. Tran advised they hold on to them.
