SAND HILLS,
NE—Despite emotional protests
from environmental groups around the country, the vast majority of residents
actually living in the region that could be affected by the Keystone XL
pipeline are in favor of building it.
"The technology isn't as iffy as it was twenty, thirty
years ago," said a phyllopod shrimp, a long-time denizen of Sand Hills.
"I mean, sure, there might be some guys in boots walking around, but it's
no skin off my ass if they just watch their step. No need to cancel the whole
thing."
"I'm with the shrimp," agreed a blowout penstemon,
a tiny regional plant. "And that's coming from someone on the endangered
species list. If I don't get run over by a truck, I'll get eaten by grazing
cattle. What's the damn difference?"
The Midwest Ledger was lucky enough to happen upon a Western
Meadowlark, the Nebraska
state bird and a year-round resident of Sand Hills.
"Let me get this straight," the Western Meadowlark
said. "You guys have a chance to extend an oil pipeline that will create
20,000 jobs in a moribund economy, generate untold billions of dollars for the
country, and lessen America's dependence on foreign oil from hostile
nations? Why wasn't this thing done yesterday?"
When told that the pipeline might endanger the region's
flora and fauna, the Western Meadowlark burst out laughing.
"Are you kidding me?"
The Meadowlark eventually composed itself, shook its head,
then ate the shrimp, defecated on the blowout penstemon, and flew away.
