WASHINGTON,
D.C.—In a gaffe reminiscent of
his infamous word-stumbling at President Obama's 2009 inauguration, Supreme
Court Chief Justice John Roberts today swore in Mitt Romney as the
nation's 45th President.
"I can't believe I screwed up again," Justice
Roberts said, drink in hand, at the lavish post-inaugural ball celebrating
President Romney's unexpected victory. "First the word-switch thing with
Obama four years ago, then voting wrong on the constitutionality of the
healthcare bill, and now this," Roberts said, smacking the side of his
head. "Doy!"
President Romney and First Lady Ann Romney, who made a
last-minute decision to attend what was presumed to be former President Obama's
second inauguration, were graciously given front row seats by former First Lady
Michelle Obama. When former President Obama failed to show up ten, then
fifteen, then twenty minutes after the scheduled start of the ceremony,
however, confusion set in.
"I felt I had to do something," Justice Roberts
said. "I mean, people were getting antsy, myself included. Then I looked
down and saw Mitt and Ann, and, well, he's so presidential-looking and I knew
she'd make a fine First Lady, so I figured, 'What the hell,' you know?"
As a baffled crowd of over half a million looked on, Roberts
had former Governor Romney join him on the dais, put his hand on a Bible, and
recite the thirty-five word affirmation that made him President of the United
States.
"Thankfully," Roberts said, "I got the words
right, and in the right order. Phew! That was a close one. Am I right, America?"
