LAS VEGAS, NV—While
President Barack Obama is busy spending millions upon millions of taxpayer
dollars vacationing in Africa, Vice President
Joe Biden is touring a wholly different hot, sandy, ruthlessly violent locale. Las Vegas, Nevada.
"When the cat's away, the mice will play," Mr.
Biden said, cackling as he distributed a stack of $10,000,000 chips haphazardly
atop a roulette table in Hooters Casino. "Bill and Molly get it,"
Biden added, draping his arms over the shoulders of a voluptuous middle-aged
woman and her clearly pissed-off husband. "Hell, the boss is back in South America visiting his home country, so I figured
this would be the perfect chance to unwind."
Mr. Biden and his new friends looked on as the croupier
scraped $2.7 billion worth of chips off the table.
"Damn!" Biden exclaimed. "I should probably
quit while we're only $17 trillion in the hole."
"Nobody win, nobody win," replied the croupier.
"Better luck next time." She gave the roulette wheel another mighty
spin, dropped the ball along its edge, then stared intently at the former
senator from Delaware.
Biden stared right back, as if sizing up the 4'10"
Filipina mother of five.
"You know what?" Biden said as the wheel began to
spin more and more slowly. "Let it ride. All of it. I want $17 trillion
dollars more on four. Hell, it's the Fourth of July. America's destined to win!"
The croupier glanced at her pit boss, who quickly nodded in
return, approving the bet.
Vice President Biden downed the rest of his can of Natural
Light, his eyes never leaving the roulette wheel. "Come on," he
whispered as the white marble dropped into its final resting place.
"Nobody win again," the croupier announced.
"No four. Double zero. Double zero."
