CONWAY, AR—Even as a child, circus master Petros
Gregoros sought comfort among the so-called freaks and throw-aways of the
animal kingdom. He found the tabby cats and golden retrievers kept as pets by
his schoolmates hopelessly mundane, preferring instead to spend time playing
with and caring for furry and feathered friends endowed with a bit more
panache.
"My first pet was a two-headed rattlesnake I found in
the bushes near my family's home in the old country," Mr. Gregoros said as
he watched a crew of itinerant drunkards and mental patients load a menagerie
of nightmarish animals into the back of a U-Haul truck. "Since then, I
have had an affinity for the more unusual beings among us. That explains, I'm
sure, my love for Toby."
Toby is the main attraction of Mr. Gregoros' "Museum of
the Monumentally Morbid," a traveling exhibit of deformed and misshapen
animals Mr. Gregoros has collected during his 57 years on this planet. Toby
also happens to be an elephant the size of chicken.
"Toby is normal in every way, except that he is
approximately a thousand times smaller than a so-called 'healthy' elephant.
After many years of consulting veterinarians who specialize in exotic animals,
I have found that Toby suffers from humanitis. However, he is a trouper and he
has not missed a show due to illness or injury in over a decade."
Humanitis is the polar opposite of elephantitis, which
afflicts a small portion of the human population.
"Usually, elephantitis is seen in the genitals of human
males," Mr. Gregoros graphically elaborated. "I know you remember the
black-and-white pictures of tribal guys with 150-pound scrotums. Personally, I
think that would be briefly exhilarating, but ultimately horrifying. Toby's
genitals are just fine, though they are a little on the small side, even
considering his diminutive stature."
