EVANSTON, IL—As part of its ongoing effort to remain
relevant in the increasingly-titillating world of sports publications, Baseball Digest today released its
inaugural "Porn Issue," which features some of the game's best
players engaged in hot, sweaty coitus with ballgirls, groupies, and even their
own wives.
"Now, don't get the wrong idea," Baseball Digest editor Bob Kuenster said
in a telephone interview with The Midwest
Ledger. "I'm not a total sicko. I'm not going to show, say, Mike Trout
climaxing on the face of one of his many adoring female fans, or Miguel Cabrera
giving a Cleveland Steamer to some skank in the parking lot of Comerica Park. I
wanted to keep this thing all classy-like."
Inspired to push the envelope following the success of Sports Illustrated's ubiquitous Swimsuit
Issue and ESPN: The Magazine's
popular "The Body" Issue, Kuenster justified his decision to publish
photographs of baseball players engaged in hardcore sex in his 70-plus year-old
magazine.
"I'm paid to make the publication money," Kuenster
said matter-of-factly. "Sports
Illustrated's swimsuit issue is iconic. Well, it was before the Internet,
anyway. And that ESPN body thing just
said, 'Screw it. See-through bikinis ain't edgy enough. Let's take off all
their clothes.' How was I supposed to compete with that? I had to take it to
the next level."
Mr. Kuenster went on to explain that the issue depicts
"no penetration or bodily fluids, just some tits and ass."
