CHATSWORTH,
CA—In a move designed to
eliminate confusion among both its performers and its audience, the
multibillion-dollar porn industry today announced its intention to regulate the
use of the word "star" when describing the men and women who have sex
with each other in front of a camera for money.
"Like, a lot of people are in porn, but honestly, not
every single one of them is a star," newcomer Flo Rivers, 19, said.
"Of course, I would like to be called a porn star someday, but at the same
time I have a lot of respect for the tradition of the industry. So I'll let the
fans decide whether or not my performances make me worthy of 'stardom'."
Veteran performer Dick Dragz agreed with Ms. Rivers'
assessment of the situation.
"Yeah, ever since this 'reality porn' crap came out,
every drunken skank and every limp-dicked college kid with a cell phone and a
domain name thinks they're a porn star," Mr. Dragz said, rolling his eyes.
"It's [expletive] embarrassing. Then you throw the likes of Paris Hilton
and Kim Kardashian into the mix, which really blurs the line between stardom
and just plain whorishness."
Although industry insiders have yet to agree upon a rating
system that accurately identifies who is or isn't a porn star, fans of the smut
genre have taken to Twitter and other online outlets to voice their opinions.
"a slut aint a star till she does a tp at least a
dp," slickhandDan69 wrote via Twitter. After taking a few moments to
reevaluate his stance, Mr. slickhand added, "10 guy bukkake is ok
to."
