WASHINGTON,
D.C.—In what the White House
today termed "a step in the right direction," the terminally flawed
Obamacare website now consists solely of a link to the MySpace page of
President Barack Obama's eldest daughter, Malia.
"Let me be clear," the president said via a Skype
interview repeatedly interrupted by digital tiling and audio cut-outs.
"I'm slightly less indifferent toward the perceived failed launch of
Obamacare than I am about any of the other failed aspects of my presidency. I
feel the Obamacare website should be more user-friendly for the tech-savvy,
2013 crowd. Therefore, I have made the decision to put the Obamacare site in
the hands of a company with an eye toward the future: MySpace."
When the giggles and snickers of the under-thirty members of
the press corps subsided, Mr. Obama continued.
"My beloved daughter, Malia, first worked hand-in-hand
with MySpace in 2005. Together, they built a website capable of displaying her
favorite foods and movies, a selection of songs she enjoyed at the time,
pictures of her loved ones, and even something called a 'web log,' or 'blog' in
which she could record her most intimate hopes and dreams. Clearly, MySpace is
at the forefront of information technology, and that is why I have given them a
blank check to fix the perceived 'glitches' in the Obamacare site."
While everyone under the age of forty burst into laughter,
President Obama's Skype connection dropped out for good.
