"Let me be clear," the president said at a podium
just feet from the Reflecting Pool. "I'm standing here with you today
because September 11th is indeed a day for reflecting. Every single American
has been touched by this particular calendar date, myself included."
After pausing a moment for polite applause, Mr. Obama
continued.
"Take September 11, 1961, for instance. I was a mere
five weeks old and not yet empowered with the motor skills that would allow me
to impart my charismatic brand of genius upon the simple denizens of this
then-backward nation. The country would have to wait nearly fifty years for my
leadership. Truly tragic."
While the gape-mouthed crowd stared at him in disbelief, Mr.
Obama went on.
"And who could forget September 11, 1966? It was my
first day of school, and Billy Kalamea, fully twice my size, pushed me to the
asphalt on the playground and stole my lunch. A catastrophe for myself, the
state of Hawaii , and America
President Obama mentioned a dozen other horrific incidents
that occurred on September 11th, including in 1982, when his trusted dealer
shorted him on a dime-bag, 1994, when he was involved in a fender-bender with
an uninsured motorist, and 2001, when he and Michelle engaged in a heated
argument over the quality of her broccoli casserole.
"She wouldn't talk to me for a week," Mr. Obama
added, chuckling and checking his hair in the Reflecting Pool. "It was a
difficult time for all, yet we pulled together and managed to get through
it."
At press time, President Obama was on the phone in the Oval Office wishing President Bashar al-Assad of
