WASHINGTON,
D.C.— Perhaps sensing that her
days as a free woman are numbered, embattled IRS Director of Exempt
Organizations Lois Lerner today talked incarceration with lifestyle maven and
former federal prisoner Martha Stewart at a hotel just outside the Beltway.
"Indeed, those were trying times for me," Stewart
told Lerner as they sipped Earl Grey from Victorian era teacups in Lerner's
room at the Radcliffe Inn. "The loneliness, the fear for one's safety, the
bland, amorphous cuisine. It certainly was the longest five months of my
life."
Lerner, who will likely be one of many sacrificial lambs led
to the proverbial slaughter by Obama administration officials hell-bent on
keeping the president's name away from the countless scandals rocking D.C.,
asked Stewart how she should conduct herself behind bars.
"Always walk with your back straight and your head held
high," Stewart advised. "Any fellow prisoner looking to start trouble
will simply move on to an easier target. Unfortunately, I learned that bit of
wisdom the hard way."
As Lerner listened intently, Stewart related to her the tale
of her first confrontation with another prisoner, provoked, Stewart says, by
her own downcast demeanor and defeatist attitude.
"The woman was twice my size and covered with
tattoos," Stewart said while refilling their teacups. "Needless to
say, I was terrified when she approached me in a threatening manner. Luckily,
I'd fashioned a simple shiv using a toothbrush handle, some electrical tape,
and a sturdy piece of glass. It worked like a charm," Stewart said, a
smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "I cut that bitch good."
"Because when all is said and done, nobody messes with
Martha [expletive] Stewart."
