LOS ANGELES, CA—The seemingly never-ending injury bug
plaguing the Los Angeles Dodgers this season reached an unprecedented low last
night when highly-touted rookie outfielder Yasiel Puig spontaneously combusted
in the batter's box at Chavez Ravine during the fourth inning of
last night's game against the San Diego Padres.
"To tell you the truth, it caught me a little off
guard," admitted Padres left-hander and former Dodgers farmhand Eric
Stults. "He slapped a single to left-center his first time up, so I planned
on jamming him inside with fastballs the next time around. But then he suddenly
burst into flames and collapsed into a burning heap right there at home plate.
That changed my whole approach to the at-bat."
Dodgers manager Don Mattingly had a different take on Puig's
career-ending injury.
"I wasn't surprised," Mattingly told reporters
after the game, which the Dodgers managed to win 2-1. "After witnessing
the injuries to Billingsley, Greinke, Ramirez twice, both Ellises, Crawford,
Kemp, and now Capuano, nothing shocks me. I, like most Dodgers fans these days,
am numb to it all.
"For [expletive]'s sake!" Mattingly added.
"We came to spring training with eight legitimate starting pitchers! Now Magill
and Fife are in the rotation!
"Magill and Fife!"
a clearly distressed Mattingly elaborated before being led away by pitching
coach Rick Honeycutt.
