WASHINGTON,
D.C.— In the closest vote in the
history of the award, Health and Human Services secretary Kathleen Sebelius won
the annual Jacob "Jack" Kevorkian Award for Bedside Manner, narrowly
beating out Dr. Kermit Gosnell.
"If you take the overall numbers into account,"
said Fran Benson, chairwoman of the awards committee, "Dr. Gosnell wins in
a landslide. However, many voters focused on the specific case of the
10-year-old girl in Pennsylvania
suffering from cystic fibrosis. You know, the one doctors gave three-to-five
weeks to live?
"Mrs. Sebelius could have saved that girl's life with
the mere stroke of a pen. But she didn't. That's why, in my view at least, she
won the Kevorkie.
"And she did it on TV," Ms. Benson went on.
"I mean, it takes an especially heinous brand of evil to verbally sign a little
girl's death warrant in front of a ton of cameras. You know it's going to go
viral. But Sebelius clearly didn't give a [expletive].
"Seriously," Ms. Benson elaborated. "I'm
surprised that unholy composite of Lizzie Borden and Eileen Wuornos didn't ride
her broom to the hospital and put a pillow over that precious angel's face
herself."
