WASHINGTON,
D.C.—In a move designed to
increase cash flow in a sluggish economy, President Barack Obama today
proclaimed that the previously fake, unusable bills included with the popular
board game Monopoly are now legal for use in all fifty states.
"Let me be clear," President Obama said in front
of the press corps. "I came up with this idea a while back when I heard
that the good people at Hasbro had decided to replace their 'iron' game piece
with a 'cat' game piece. Personally, I would have chosen a larger, more
athletic dog. They're so tasty, er, loyal.
"In any event, as I continue to try and grow the
economy by hook or by crook, I've decided that allowing people to use Monopoly
money is a simple, effective way to induce consumers to spend more, thereby
stimulating the economy. Many Americans already own Monopoly games, be they the
original edition or one of the countless spinoffs. It's a simple matter of
opening your closet, dusting off the box, and helping yourself to thousands of
dollars worth of tiny, colorful bills."
When asked if just dumping paper money into the system would
lead to an increase in inflation, Obama didn't seem too concerned.
